I sit here scrolling through instagram and see women document their entire journey of self love and weight loss. I sit here with an extra 60 pounds on my body in shame. “Sure,” I think to myself, “they did it but they don’t have the health issue or the stresses that I do.” I always gave myself excuses. Then, one day, my life changed. I went on this hike, reluctantly may I add. I got to the top after drinking all my water, desperately needing to pee, hungry as hell, drenched in sweat and I was miserable. I was so miserable because my knees hurt but then I looked up and out at the view in front of me. The view I had in that moment was something nothing else could be compared to. I mean, not gonna lie, sex is pretty great and so is Reeses but, like, this view was good too.
I wish I had taken a picture that day but I was scared. I did not look like those instagram models in their leggings and sports bra. No, I had rolls upon rolls and I am pretty sure my yoga pants had a rip on the inner thigh, thunder thigh problems amirite? I was so sick of the way I looked and constantly being ashamed to take a full body picture. I wanted to actually do something but feared I wasn’t good enough. What if I went to the gym and fell flat on my face?
I bet myself that I would get a gym membership and if at the end of a month I truly hated it I could at least say I tried. I walk in bright eyed and bushy tailed and everything went to shit in 30 seconds. My hands started to tremble, I lost my voice, I could feel myself shaking. How was I supposed to survive this? Then I thought, if that girl on insta who weighed 495 pounds could have the courage to come in here then I could too. The voice in my head said, “do it for the crop top.”
Long story short, I did it for the crop top and I continue to do it for the crop top that I have yet to fit into. Life is a journey don’t rush the process! I realized no one is actually looking at you when you are at the gym. And hey, if someone happens to look at you wink, smile and move on, give them something to look at! If they were about to make fun of you they will be severely confused, that’s a win in my book.
Once I started to feel comfortable at the gym I wanted to bring on a new challenge so I started a blog. Again, what if people laughed at me? My writing was decent and I enjoyed it but it wasn’t perfect. I did it anyway, hands trembling, sweat dripping down my face, I had the audacity to believe I was worthy of having a blog. I still remember writing seven pieces before having the courage to post one online but after I did it I did it again and again and then I had 9 posts and I actually had someone comment on it. They liked what I had posted! SOMEONE ACTUALLY LIKED WHAT I HAD TO SAY. And now I am here and you are here and you are reading words that I wrote.
Ladies, I am telling you, do things that scare you no matter how afraid you are. The best thing would be that you ended up with results you wanted. The other case would be you realized you screwed up and it did not work out the way you wanted. Silver lining to the second scenario? At least now you won’t keep thinking about what if. Set an example, if not for anyone else set it for you. You can always come back home and eat nutella with a spoon while crying to Grey’s Anatomy.
Pro tip - schedule in days to be a rock, be a badass and don’t let anything stand in your way and then schedule in days to curl in a ball and order pizza, it is called balance! Don’t be so hard on yourself, don’t compare your chapter 1 to someone else’s chapter 20. Be rad, be you and start now! Be that badass woman you know you were meant to be!