Millennial Anonymous: If I Stay Will He Ever Respect Me?

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I received a message in my inbox yesterday from an Anonymous Millennial seeking advice and guidance about the following:

Hi,
I have been in a relationship for four years. Recently I learned that my partner impregnated another woman, and yesterday he went to pay damages. This person asked me to terminate pregnancy 2 years back because he wasn't ready, I also felt that raising another child outside marriage wouldn't be ideal. After trying to convince him to keep the baby I went ahead and terminated it. We love each other dearly. Somehow he doesn't wanna grow
The question would be can I stay in this relationship and
still be happy? Will he ever respect me?  He asked for forgiveness and wants us to work it out.

MY RESPONSE:

Hey sis,

In my opinion this is your way out, this is a blessing, this is a huge red flag. I totally understand how how it must be being with someone for 4 years, being faithful, loyal, going through ups and downs, giving so much of your time and energy, and now to feel like you have wasted for years of your life without reaping benefits of your investment. Not to mention the betrayal that you must feel after terminating your pregnancy only to have another woman to be expecting a child from him now. 

Now I can't tell you whether to stay or leave, because ultimately YOU have to make that decision. Based on what you said about your reasons for terminating the pregnancy, if you stay in this relationship you will find yourself back in the same situation that you said was not ideal: raising a child outside of marriage; only it would not be your child. You certainly have some things to think about such as whether you can truly forgive him and start completely over, whether you would be able to help him raise another woman's child, whether this man will marry you and sees a true future with you beyond a loyal girlfriend. What do you see for yourself? How do you define respect? Do you feel respected right now? 

You said he doesn't want to grow, isn't that what life is really about? We all have a purpose in why we are still living and breathing. Our mission is to discover it and live it out. I used to think people could change people, and I soon realized that life changes people. You know him better than any stranger like me so only you can know if this situation will change him to be the man that you think he could be or if he will respect you if you decide to stay. My advice is to pray that God reveals to you the truth about the people in your life, for him to remove those who are hindering you from developing into the person that God intended you to be and to keep those who contribute to your development. Do not stay out of habit and fear that you don't deserve the love and relationship that you desire because you can. It may or may not be with him. I always say when someone shows you who they are believe them.

You are valued. You are loved. You are strong. You have a purpose. There is hope! Don't give up on YOU. You deserve everything that your heart desires and you don't need someone else to validate that if YOU believe it for yourself.

Hope this helps!

Best,

Help A Sister Out Sunday

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