Have you seen The Spike Lee's Joint "She's Gotta Have It"? The original movie came out in 1986, which was before I was born but somehow I managed to watch it anyway. I recently re-watched it again along with the newest 10 Netflix episode version. If you haven't seen it yet, you need to catch up! Watch the Official Trailer below:
She's Gotta Have It's Nola Darling, the strong black female lead, described herself as a "sex positive polyamorous pansexual". Aside from serious societal issues such as sexual harassment and society's standard of beauty addressed in this movie, the reclamation of sexuality really stuck out to me. This version of the movie is a great representation of what I'd call a millennial feminist going through a "hoe phase". In this particular case, Nola is using multiple sexual partners in her "Loving Bed" as a way to establish her sexual freedom on her own terms while hustling into her dream career as an artist, trying to balance life and friends, and exploring her sexuality as a single woman.
While watching this series, I instantly thought about "The Hoe Phase" and how this phrase was created by society to shame women about being sexual beings. Traditionally, sexuality is reserved for men. Men are excused and sometimes celebrated for having multiple women, but there has always been a double standard of women not being able to have multiple sexual partners or be too sexual. Women are immediately called a "hoe" for dating multiple men and embracing their sexuality. So, there you have the hoe phase.
Urban Dictionary defines "The Hoe Phase" as a phase in your life that occurs frequently when you are fine with exploring promiscuous activities and connecting with random people. This phase helps you establish what you like and don't, explore your sexuality, and have fun.
Contrary to popular belief Nola, as a woman, is uninterested in commitment and rejects the double standards men and society place on women’s sexuality. As a millennial feminist, Nola is taking control of her singlehood and independence by remaining open and not conforming to societal expectations of sexuality, beauty standards, and female body perceptions. She remains honest and transparent on her journey to self-acceptance. Transparency and honesty is always my advice to my single friends. There's no point in sending your representative while dating and then break out with "the real you" when you have a man interested. Also, if you're single and dating, I've never understood the point in lying about the fact that you are dating other people. Let this man know he has competition and that there are others who are just as interested.
The 3 guys that she juggles are definitely great representations of guys that I used to refer as "junts" back in the day. What is a "Junt"? That's just Memphis slang for side piece who is a time filler. Usually referred to a team of individuals with 1 good quality that when put together would make the perfect guy. That's a blog post for another day, back to the series. In the series, there’s the established business guy Jamie Overstreet, the sweet and funny Mars Blackmon, and the sexy Greer Childs. We all want a man that is financially stable, attractive, and great personality right!? Hence why she needed all 3, because she hadn't found "The One" yet...or did she? You will have to watch to find out.
As a single woman, you have either gone through the hoe phase yourself or know someone who has. Ain't no shame! It arguably gives you the chance to not only know yourself and learn about your sexual preferences, but it also allows some emotional learning opportunities. Emotional learning opportunities which essentially lead women to realize that you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else and the fact that no one can make you happy but you and God.
Don't get me wrong, everyone doesn't HAVE to go through The Hoe Phase to come to this realization, but I think it is definitely beneficial. What do you think?